Field of Science

Triassic Officially Loses Status as the First Period of the Age of Dinosaurs Because it Just Doesn't Have Many

The International Stratigraphic Council (ISC) announced today that it was stripping the Triassic Period of the privilege of representing the first period of the Mesozoic Era, otherwise known as the Age of Dinosaurs.

ISC Chairman Dr. Waldo Weatherbee stated that this decision was made based on the general paucity of Triassic dinosaurs. "Let's face it," he said, "Current research is demonstrating that many of the things in the Triassic we thought were dinosaurs are turning out to be all kinds of other types of critters, and the things that are still dinosaurs simply aren't that impressive."

Council member Dr. Geraldine Grundy agreed. "I'm sick and tired of paleontologists turning up little crumbly bits of bone from the Triassic and claiming these are the earliest dinosaurs. Give me a break. Show me some real bones!"

Asked about Coelophysis and Plateosaurus, Grundy plugged her ears and yelled "blah, blah, blah, I can't hear you!"

University of Riverdale paleontology graduate student Reggie Mantle argues, "the Triassic is lame man, there are no cool dinos such as raptors, longnecks, and T-rex.  At least the Jurassic has some cool movies made about it, what does the Triassic have? Triassic Attack? How completely lame!"

Fellow student Betty Cooper also agrees, "I can't even pronounce Chromigo-what ever you call it. Dinosaurs should only have easy names like Stegosaurus and Triceratops. Plus, now they tell us that the only cool Triassic dinosaur Eoraptor isn't even a raptor?! Why would anyone study this crap?"

The council voted 312 to 2 to officially dissolve the Triassic and reassign what was  the later part of the Late Triassic to the Jurassic (and thus to the beginning of the Mesozoic), and the Early, Middle and beginning of the Late Triassic epochs to the Permian.

Professor Flutesnoot, a noted dinosaur researcher from the Society for Dinosaur Dominance supports these reassignments. "Removal of the Triassic as a valid period of the Mesozoic solves the missing Triassic dinosaur problem that is currently recognized, especially regarding the lack of bonafide ornithischian dinosaurs from that period. Dinosaurs now first appear neatly in the Jurassic and clearly define the lower boundary of that period. Many of us will sleep better tonight knowing that this problem has been solved."

Weatherbee added "You simply can't be part of the Age of Dinosaurs without any bleedin' dinosaurs!"

"This is exactly how things should be," chimed in Grundy, "keep your non-dinosaur bearing units out of the Mesozoic!".

The council also voted 312 to 2 to combine and rename all of the eras prior to the Mesozoic as the Predinozoic and in a subsequent vote of 312 to 0 kicked out their two dissenting members.

"We don't need these bleedin' heart liberal Triassophiles messing up our wonderful timescale and relegating dinosaurs to 2nd class organisms against the desires of our founding fathers", explained Weatherbee.

As of press time the International Subcommision on the Triassic simply stated that they could not possibly think of any intelligent response whatsoever.

Revised timescale by the ISC (modified from here)

12 comments:

  1. Almost Onion-like... wow. You, Randy and Sterling need to stop reinterpreting our Trias dinos away!

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  2. And you forgot a critical part:

    The Triassic? Too many goddam redbeds. Pick a new color, dammit!

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  3. The term “Permotriassic” has been intensively used for decades, it's about time to acknowledge the fact the the Triassic is just a meagre appendix to the great Permian.

    Herewith I propose a new name for the new, combined period. Based on the almost forgotten German name “Dyas” (2) for the Permian and “Triassic” (3), the new period shall obviously be called “Pentassic”

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  4. Thomas, I Germany there's at least a „Buntsandstein“ (coloured sandstone) to give a little relief from all these red beds. ;-)


    BTW: Thanks for your “geological time-arm” idea, which I have shamelessly appropriated.

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  5. LOL... saw this an was like "what?" Lol... and thought to myself great! First Pluto... now this ha ha ha.

    Best Wishes!

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  6. Tom - all joking aside, many of the classic "Triassic" redbeds have actually been re-assigned to the Early Jurassic.

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  7. Actually, man, the Triassic was when dinosaurs were still cool and obscure. That was before they got big and sold out.

    Eventually, though, they went back underground.

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  8. 220Mya,

    True enough! Given the upper parts of the Newark Supergroup, the Moenave, etc., are redbeds, I suggest we declare them "Triassic, old-style" and therefore throw them to the Permian! The Jurassic will from now on start with the Aalenian...

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  9. This is certainly a step in the right direction. Dinosaurs are just a afterthought until they get a foothold BY COMPLETE ACCIDENT. Duh! They took over because the "crimson crocs" were vanquished by the random arrival of a mantle plume, and then they took advantage of the cheap real estate.

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